This month I quit my job.

This month I got rid of Instagram on my phone. In fact, I got rid of all apps that could be a distraction or a promoter of anxiety or inauthenticity (so pretty much all of them).

I spent quality time with my pen and journal.

I added more lavender oil to the diffuser.

I used most of my spare time to read instead of scroll.

I turned on the salt lamps and carried around different healing rocks in my pocket.

I listened to interesting podcasts in the car and took myself on downtown walking dates with jazz playing in my headphones.

I thought about how much time I spend looking for technology chargers and then waiting around to charge my phone, Fitbit, Garmin, laptop, Kindle...

I turned off all notifications and alerts. I’ll get to them when I get to them.

I snuck in minutes here and there of French or Japanese lessons on Duolingo and changed my phone’s language to Spanish for extra practice.

I ran in the woods and biked on the trails.

I got two essential oil massages.

I signed up for an introductory photography course.

I researched local creative writing seminars and international yoga retreats.

I tried to get rid of my leased car so I can get out of my self-made debt prison (didn’t work).

I created lists with personal, professional, financial, and physical goals and ways to reach them.

I found out that I was #2 in sales in the entire company of 200+ national franchises.

But it wasn't enough.

Because we're constantly told that we're MADE FOR MORE (trademarked by now, I’m sure - thanks, Rachel). Your current reality could be so much better. This is how I did it...

Hustle, they say. It’s so glamorous! Look at me casually getting followed around by a professional photographer today while I hustle. Oh what’s this? It’s just my personal-use light ring, illuminating my pastelled and airy Hobby Lobbied home office space!

Can we go back to the days when hustle actually meant exhausting, enduring, committed hard work? Long days in front of google docs or struggling to manage groups of all sorts of personality-filled people. I looked up the definition of hustle and one of the synonyms was agitation, which seems more fitting to me.

I can’t quite understand why, but hustle has become some kind of empowering brand and mentality for women. I’ve found that it just leads to being overworked and unrecognizable to myself to the point where I eventually break down and have to say, ENOUGH.

This month, I have been out-hustled. But, I am still enough.

Today, I’m not made for more. Today I am plenty. Today I am content. Today I don’t need to prove to anyone but myself that I am worth it.

My generation hasn’t been taught to be easily contented. Satisfied is not often an attribute used to describe millennials. Our parents told us we were better than everyone else without us really understanding our own innate value beyond being seen as successful. Then, as adults, our gurus continued to push this mindset by pumping us up with more mature ideas that if we just set reverse timelines for our goals, that absolutely anything is possible for us.

If I’ve learned anything in 2019, I want to be made for less.

I just want to hustle to the coffee maker and enjoy my medium roast brew for an hour without distraction.

I just want to hustle to the public library for newly released books.

I just want to hustle to the trails and enjoy quality time with my partner and friends.

I just want to hustle to a volunteer project, continuing ed course, or a concert in the park.

So, I quit my job and have absolutely nothing lined up as of June 1.

Bills are, as usual, at the top of mind. Being made for less doesn’t help much when you took on the student loan debt of someone who was molded to be made for more.

But, I’m ready to give myself some substantial space and time to figure it out, or at least, get started.