There's something wrong with me.

Since the end of November, I've been feeling...off.

From constant headaches, lightheadedness, inexplicably itchy body rashes and bruising, nose staph infections, continued weight gain, constant exhaustion and fatigue, to Seasonal Affective Disorder with a nice side of jittery anxiety and crushing depression, the past few months have been an incredible struggle of the soul and of my will.

It's been harder than ever to get out of bed in the morning and even harder to stay out bed throughout the day. I've never felt this consistently shitty for such a long of a time period without a taste of relief. My useless collection of creams, pills, and vitamins has frustratingly continued to grow along with more symptoms. Fortunately, I continue to be a pretty high functioning sick person and haven't fallen behind at work or with my personal responsibilities.

My blood test results came back last week and the doc noted that I am low on potassium. So, I guess I'm just supposed to eat more sweet potatoes and bananas to make this all go away. Other than that, here's another anti-itch cream and some more zit pills. Great.

I've continued to keep up with my marathon training plan since it's the only thing that I feel like I can control right now. It seems counter-intuitive to run 35 miles a week when I can hardly get through a morning without a nap (after 10 hours of sleep the night before). However, I've felt like such garbage that I haven't been able to keep up with much of anything else with regard to life goals, writing, creating, learning new things, exploring, etc.

It's hard to do much when your body is in a constant state of itchy exhaustion and pure sadness. It's also just really embarrassing having red blotches all over my face, chest, and arms, which makes me want to curl up under a blanket and never leave the house.

I'm actually mortified to even post a picture of what I look like right now, but am hoping that maybe someone who's experienced this before might be able to help get me the right treatment before I lose my god damn mind. I'm wearing make-up so the face splotches are less dramatic, but they are under my eyes, in my ears, and on my chin, neck, chest, arms, knees, and hands.

Just a few months ago, I was beginning to feel positive and confident about how my life was taking shape in Madison. The new job was going well, I paid off my student loans and started to put hefty amounts into my savings, marathon training had just started and I was feeling like my fitness was really improving with each run. The freshness of a new year and a new decade were giving me inspiration and motivation to be better and do better. Then a few small spots on my face started to turn into large spots, and within a week, my body no longer felt like mine.

I know that something is wrong with me - we just can't seem to figure out exactly what.

I have no energy to do anything. My brain seems to be operating at 1/4 the speed and capacity. I sometimes don't even remember where to place my hands on my keyboard and have to set them down a few times to figure it out.

The rashes and bruises aren't going away. If anything they're spreading and getting worse.

Some days I can hardly stand up and it takes everything I have to not burst into tears at any moment of the day. I should probably get on some meds to help my my brain with the constantly gloomy skies and wintery days, but I've been lathering on so many creams and ingesting so many new pills that the thought of adding another one to the mix is just too much right now.

Maybe the absolute agony of living in America in 2020 with this freak show government is finally starting to take a physical toll on me. It's surely not helping anything anyway. Life used to be simpler and easier than this, right?

On the bright side of all of this crap...

+ I put in the most miles last week that I've ever run in 7 days (35) and the week prior, ran the longest distance I've ever run before (14.3)! Then, after my longest long run in history, I ran a half marathon the following weekend! It's been painfully hard trying to get through these kinds of distances feeling like I do, but I think it's the only thing keeping me going right now.

+ I got a new part-time job, which I'm excited to start. It's an active gig, away from screens, and actually pays a decent wage for the work.

+ I'm going to Atlanta at the end of the month to watch a few buddies run in the Olympic Team Trials for the marathon. I've never been to Atlanta before (outside of the airport anyway) and look forward to hanging out with my Ragnar friend, Clare, over a long weekend in the city and in the nearby Blue Ridge Mountains.

Alright, anyone have helpful suggestions for what could be going on with my body?